Place of Solace

I enjoy being alone. I enjoy getting lost in my thoughts, it helps me reflect on myself.

Driving is a place of solace for me, a time where I can be utterly, completely alone in my thoughts. Tonights drive back home has been insightful about my struggles.

I should listen to what my gut tells me when I am struggling to find any joy in my work. I don't like storytelling or narrative based work. I don't like character animation either. I've changed so much as an artist over these past few years, maybe I should come to a complete halt with what I am doing right now and see what I really want to express and make. I shouldn't force myself to complete a project that I have zero passion for. "I've already gone knee deep into this, so I should finish it" is my only motivation to keep it going. Every now and then I have doubts whether all this effort is really worth my time.

"Little Green Thumb", is all show and no soul. The quality of animation is excellent, it's the main reason why I felt compelled to finish it; to show off that I am a good animator.

But don't fret, I am not giving up on this short film. I'm just exhausted and bit bored, I need a shorter project to work on.

I am always encouraging experimentation with my students. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite, embracing hand-drawn mediums, textures, and unconventional storytelling while I myself am working on a project that is the complete opposite of my teachings. At the end of class, I leave feeling fulfilled for my students, but dissatisfied at myself.

Perennial Stream was my most successful project as an artist. It came from a completely experimental view, simply testing using blind gestural contours that follow the motion of fish in my freshwater aquarium. It was a great accidental discovery, or perhaps that's just the nature of experimental animation.

I think it's time for me to stop, reflect, and give myself a much needed change of pace. I'm planning to stop using digital programs to animate, and I want to read more.